Here's a ball of prose to you. It'll be on my terribly new blog shortly. Just need to find the right links first. Here's the address of my blog:
www.mulig.wordpress.com
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Waiting for something. Looking for someone. Is there no reason? Have I stared too long? -- David Bowie
- --
Like a born again realistic-optimist, and certainly just said: "I'm acutely aware of stupidity all around me yet feel oddly comfortable." I wish I could feel that way. But I can't. A lot of people feel this way, I know, but me, I've got all this systematic evil on my mind at all times, and it makes me wonder what the **** am I at all doing here, and then somehow: I can see it now. I can feel it die, and I am tempted to say: screw this! All these people truly want me dead, and there is nothing I can do about that, except?! Uh oh.
And as my general view of reality and the future becomes gloomier and gloomier every day. And as my therapist remains the most important lucipher character in my life. And as my mother keeps saying that I'm wrong about everything I heard and saw throughout the latter half of 2007. As 2008 seems to be the year in which all what's up here is a big, big silence: this deafening sound of nothingness. As 2009 is approaching at a very high speed, just killing me softly like a locomotive. As 2010 nears, and. As 2011 nears, and. As 2012 is coming up. And what will be, will be. If I'm still around by then. I'm still waiting for something. I don't believe anything strange is going to happen. -- The angels have all gone to sleep now. --
I'm staying in a bad place, where they don't care how I am. I should have taken a big trip. I should have simply sailed away. -- As I never knew the right thing to say.
(Doo wap wap wha oo)
I can remain seated, and just do my writing on this wretched computer. Maybe wait for being discovered? No, I don't think so. I'm just waiting for a chance, I guess. To make it right, I guess. A chance that is never going to turn up, because people associate me with all the bad things that can possibly happen, and. I'm acutely aware of the stupidity around me, whipping at the cliffs here, like a gale. And I just can't understand this. It should all be so easy, I think. As the consumption of the oil, the gas, and the coal is the stimulus part of the greenhouse effect equation, and we all ought to be in possession of the brain power needed to get our heads around that bottleneck, and come to terms with the fact that there truly are good solutions to the greenhouse effect and global warming drama. We could all start out by becoming terribly afraid of fossil-fuels. Yes: we could all decide to fear fossil-fuels like we would have feared the dinosaurs if ever they were to reappear on this planet. Hah: I think the dinosaurs are indeed reappearing in the atmosphere of this planet. In the form of an atmospheric gas chamber which is threatening to choke all the life support systems of this planet, ha!! I wish a lot more people would think like I do.
But people seem to think that whatever happens happens, and that the only thing that's truly interesting is the money they can make from making it happen. And the governments of this world are only interested in the tax money they get from people who are working to make whatever happens happen. And all of these multinational corporations' only worry is what is happening on the stock exchanges around the world, all knowing that all that is happening there are the byproducts of all the continued growth in human activity around the world (building and construction boom, building of new airports and construction boom, building of new supermarkets, hotels, office houses and construction boom, building of superhighways and construction boom, building new homes and construction boom, building and construction of new oil pipelines boom, and buliding and construction of brand new football stadiums, opera houses, ski slopes, etc., etc.). And how about the military? Interested in the up-keep of the Al Qaida scare? And the headlong invention of new forms of warfare? What is it with people? They are all off to work in the morning, and that's it. They don't think too much, they just do. So long as they get paid for doing it, doh! They'll keep mining for coal and drilling for oil. They'll keep building new and enormously destructive aluminium and silicium melting plants. They'll keep constructing new star ships, too. As Dr. Stephen Hawking might be fully correct in saying that the future of mankind must surely have everything to do with the expansion into space. They'll keep chopping down rainforest trees. They'll keep chopping down sub-arctic trees as well. They'll keep hating trees, that's it. And when the summer comes, and the lunatics go out in the woods and light them up with fire, you'll see that humanity is indeed going crazy.
I wish I was more like the perfect stranger noted above. I wish I would feel oddly comfortable. If I did that, I'd probably also be feeling up to the task of writing another novel. But as I've come to understand that there can be no novel from my hands appearing on the book market, I realize that my only fucking option is that of being seated here, writing one son-of-a-whore blog, and watch the internet grow.
I wish I was able to believe that a novel manuscript from my hands would stand a chance of making it to the market. If I did that, I'd be writing the story of a coal miner meeting God one afternoon, but deciding to work even harder and make even more coal be available on the energy market. --
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