'scuse me

Use your teeth man

Adi ,look at my poor care-worn face in the avatar........now what was it you said about teeth again?
See, I got a nice bottle of wine to help Spadlet celebrate the birth of her parsnips and lost my Girl Guide multi-function-open-all-booze-thingey so we were stuck.But using the age old technology of wrapping the bottle in a towel and bashing on the door post,we are now awash with Champers,hello baby parsnips!!!!

The other celebration is Windys B'day but he hath buggered off into the bush leving us to drink all the ale by ourselves.hic.

Today is only possible due to Spaten from Munich.A jolly Shiraz from Oz will round off the Sabbath.God only knows what we will be reduced to on Monday.Prolly something form Finland which has been fermented in the 4th stomach of a cow.

If there is such a thing as evolution,how come there are no half-man half-sheep in Australia ?

Don't try substituting the edge of a metal bin for the corkscrew. It's very difficult to make sure you don't cut your lip.

Doo dffkjjopeqoquqj kklkd plplpldw

{Translation......now she tells me }

Anyway ner mind all that ,it will soon be June 7th and i will be up at the front at Radiohead,might even get a banner saying " hey Thom ,TES wants you as guest ,so do a deal with Adi or I will headbang the drum kit " or something like that wot will make him pay attention.or I could have an African child in a bag and threaten to eat it.

And so to bed.Rumours of an outbreak of pox in the City of London means that I shall not take Mrs Miggins up on her offer of a Staff Price quickey.A Ffrench invasion seems likely so I will prolly go to Admiralty House on the morrow to see if there are contracts to be made.Yrs S Pypes Esq.

I cant believe me eyes,folks comparing the two sissy games of football while not a mention of Rugby.The world is going soft.

Or indeed gaelic football, which is probably tougher than the lot of them.

not to mention Hurling,a form of tribal warfare and the fastest ball game on the planet.

Scuttlebutt has it that America is giving Florida back to Spain.Too many old people there making it sink so Uncle Sam wants it cut away and floated off somewhere.Don't know if thats true or not.

And so to bed,Rumours of an outbreak of head lice prevent me from going head to head with you for a while. meanwhile
I have been struck with a ague, and sneezies,coughies have me almost dead,my chest is a mess.I will say a prayer now for the inventor of hot whiskies as they seem to be doing the trick .All I need now is a fat slave-girl to place my footsies on to dreen the poison out of me.

I do wish folks wouild take more care with the titles of new threads.One there is "Amoral",well there I was thinking that maybe here was an invite to go on hols with HRH until I put on me specs..........

Dear God,as you know I only watch one TV program each week and please can you do me a favour? Please let Sir Alan fire that fat cow or the bitch with the beret or at least that Micheal twat.if you do this I promise not to laugh at the stuff posted by that Mod from the colonies.Yours sincerely forfismum

Thank you God,my word you do have a good business head as well as knowing all that bible stuff too.maybe you should give Sir Alan a call?

And so to bed.rumours are riffe in the Fforums about a monsterous troll threatening the saffety offf the realm.By Gods blessing we shall have secured a 64 gun ship offf the line to deal this creature.My Lord Montague will provide this.His photie below shows what a ffine ffellow he is.

And so to bed.The ague that affects me has laid half the countryside low but I have obtained some West Indies rum and ahyve aprtaken of same with pleasing results.Tomorow I will see to the victualling of our ship and set sail to capture this troll which ,it is said ,lies in the pool of London.A fresh oxen head from Smithfield should tempt it towards our guns D.V.

If you do a Radiohead banner asking him to come on TES can you also ask them to play Exit Music in Manchester? Pretty, pretty please?


ooooo guess what? (on a sad groupie related note)